


In Their Mourning

by Bendingoftheheart



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Affairs, Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 03:45:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17841836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bendingoftheheart/pseuds/Bendingoftheheart
Summary: No one enjoys being alone.  When the only person you have in common is gone, the best friend and the girl left behind turn to each other to numb the pain.  It all seems innocent at first, but nothing ever stays that way.





	In Their Mourning

**Author's Note:**

> Slight Trigger Warning!  
> There is mention of suicide and abusive relationships.  
> Just wanted to give a heads up.  
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this new short series!

It had been a whole year since V had left and Rika was sent to trial for her wrong doings. After a period of struggling to find forgiveness and peace, everything seemed to be back to normal. Well, normal for the original members of RFA. For me, this was a new normal. Jaehee and Jumin went back to work, Saeyoung and Vanderwood started their new careers with C&R, Yoosung went back to school, and Zen went back to careers.

I spent the next month fixing up V’s home that he entrusted to me. The remnants of Rika gagged me. No amount of forgiveness could make living in a shrine to my boo’s ex an alright experience. I didn’t have the heart to throw it all out. I’m petty, not heartless. Instead, I chose to put in storage like a mature adult. Jumin helped me afford preservation for all of his pieces. After that, Zen and Yoosung helped me move furniture in, out, and around for the entire month. Bless their backs. Jaehee and Saeyoung took turns staying with me on nights where I felt uncomfortable being alone. Even with Mint Eye being gone, I was still nervous about being abducted again. 

After that, things went back to normal for the most part, and I found my place in their lives. I started meeting Jaehee at least twice a week for a morning coffee date, or I would head over to her place for a late dinner if she was ignoring eating for work. I rushed to Saeyoung’s side when he was having hard nights just to sit with him and keep him company. We were both missing someone deeply and being together made the pain lessen. Yoosung often came over to my place to study. I quizzed him on things, made sure coffee was brewed, and editted his papers. Zen and I took turns on whose place you would meet up at. We would go over scripts and debate good or bad, run lines together, and often shotgun beers on social media. Vanderwood and I don’t talk much, but we have a Bake-Off going. It started when I baked some cookies for him and had Saeyong deliver them. He returned the favor a few days later. Now, we bake something different for the other and pass it off through Saeyoung (who just enjoys sampling all the sweets). It seemed perfect…

Almost.

There was still Jumin. I was the most concerned about him from the beginning (even though I would never admit it because Zen would kill me). I saw from early days in the chat rooms how much V being gone hurt him. Since V revealed how many secrets he had been keeping and disappeared once again, Jumin found a temporary best friend in bottles with fancy labels. Jaehee had commented that he had never come to work drunk, but there were a few days that he came in a little late or took the day off. 

So, I decided to call him and asked him to go with me to find an animal companion. He was puzzled at first, but I explained that I wanted a cat to keep me company, and since he was the cat expert, I knew he would be best to help me out. He agreed, and I could hear the smile in his voice. I knew somewhere V was smiling too.

While Zen could no longer come over to my house, I had a new companion in Jumin. He and I bonded over a lot of things. We talked about animals, books, and places we desired to travel. Since he saw that I liked to drink with Zen, he would often bring over his favorite bottles of wine. When he asked me to present my favorite type of wine, Jumin had a chuckle at my convenience store bottle of Soccer Mom Water. Our cats enjoyed playing together. We tremendously enjoyed each other’s company.

One of the days he was over, I asked him to pick out a dress for me to wear to a business dinner. I had gone to my room to change into a one of the dresses, and when I came out to show him, I caught him looking at my bulletin board. I put up a large board to hide the mark on the wall where the huge picture of Rika once hung. I had pinned up all my letters from V over the past year. I had old pictures of just him or him with another member of RFA poste between letters. I could see the longing on his face.

I walked over and placed my hand on his arm, “I can’t even imagine how much you miss him.”

“Me?” Jumin questioned, not looking away from the board yet, “What about you? You’re the one in love with him.”

“Yeah, but you’ve loved him longer,” I urged. “I saw how you two talked to each other. Neither of you talk to anyone else like that. You both consider each other the most precious person to yourselves. It’s endearing.”

“You may be the most selfless person I have ever met.”

Jumin’s grey eyes finally pried themselves from the board and looked at me. His cheeks flushed pink, and he looked so startled. I stepped back and gave myself a spin in the dress so he could see the full thing on me. I knew he had fantastic taste. I saw how he dressed himself. He knew how things should look for formal events.

“Do you think red is my color? This is only my first dress. I have a couple others,” I rambled on as he started at me in silence.

“You look remarkable.”

I smiled as I tucked my hair behind my ear, “Thank you so much. I really needed that. I am super nervous about this.”

“Why? You are so charismatic.”

I rubbed my arm as I looked away, ashamed of my own insecurity, “It is a big office thing. Everyone is bringing their significant others. I know I shouldn’t be ashamed to go alone, but I know it is going to make me miss V even more. Everyone already talks to me about V like I made him up. No one believes what happened when I missed those two weeks of work. I don’t blame them. It was insane.”

“May I make a proposal?” interrupted Jumin to end my ramblings.

“Of course!”

“Why don’t you take me?”

I looked up at Jumin. He seemed just as nervous as I did. I would never bother Jumin with a silly thing like this. It is the same reason I didn’t feel the need to ask anyone else. I was always there for them, but I had a hard time reaching out to them to help me. Jumin volunteering made me nervous to be vulnerable, but I also really didn’t want to go alone.

“I would really appreciate that. I’ll tell my job to reserve me a plus one. Thank you, Jumin.”

Jumin nodded and smiled, “I know that V would want me to make you feel comfortable and take care of you.”

And that was the final straw. The tears started flowing, and I couldn’t find a way to stop them. I dropped to the floor and let out a defeated wail. Every emotion that I had been suppressing for the past year finally made their way to the surface. 

I was at Jumin Han’s feet, unable to speak through my sobs and desperately trying to gain back a bit of sanity. I pulled at my hair, and I pulled at my dress. Maybe I was trying to pull myself together? I didn’t quite understand my manic behavior. I felt humiliated.

Jumin sat down on the floor next to me. He pulled me into his lap. He took my arms and put them on each of his shoulder. Instinctively, I pulled myself closer to him, burying my face into the collar of his suit. Jumin proceeded to wrap his arms around me. He held me so securely as if he was desperately trying to hold all of my pieces together. I sobbed on him, and I felt even more terrible knowing I was ruining his suit. I needed this though. Choking on my sobs, screaming in anguish, and letting everything go. The release, while unexpected, was a relief.

The past year had been a nightmare. I was deceived into putting myself in a dangerous situation, I fell in love with a stranger, I witnessed him almost die, his ex-girlfriend nearly destroyed a reputation I didn’t even have less than a week ago, I met seven people who suddenly all depended on me keeping my sanity, I moved into a shrine of an abusive relationship, I spent a dozen months worrying where my love was and if he was okay, and I still managed to support five of those seven people on a daily basis. Through all of that, I held a strong persona. Of course, I let a few tears slip, but I never let the levy break. 

Jumin’s words caused the cracks in my foundation.

If V wanted me to be so comfortable and taken care of, why couldn’t he do it? I was selfless, like Jumin said, and I couldn’t hold this against him. That didn’t mean his choices didn’t hurt deep down. I didn’t want to give up on V, but I felt like I was holding on to nothing. I was trapped in the nightmare. I couldn’t escape it because I was still waiting on my happily ever after. I was stuck in this limbo. Nothing felt safe or secure…

Until this moment in Jumin’s arms. Everyone else had given me hugs. Even Jumin had given me friendly greetings like kisses on the cheek. He hugged me the day that V left, but I think he was holding on to me for his own strength. This time, he was holding me to take care of me. I needed someone to take care of me and worry about me. At this moment, I had Jumin Han.

After twenty minutes of letting loose, I was finally worn out. I was no longer able to cry. My body wouldn’t let another tear drop fall. I rested with my head on Jumin’s shoulder. His hand continued to rub my arm or back in a comforting manner. He didn’t say word. He didn’t stop me. He just tried to be there for me. 

“Thank you.”

“I was only doing what—”

“Please, don’t say that.”

I looked up to Jumin. He moved one of his hands to my face. He used his thumb to gently wipe the tears from my cheek. I winced a bit. The skin was still stinging from the tears burning. I wasn’t exactly ready for such a tender touch.

“Why can’t I say that?”

“I don’t want you to do what V would want you to do. As much as I appreciate the sentiment, if V wanted this done so badly, he would be here to do it himself,” I continued to rationalize my overwhelming feelings, “Jumin, I understand what he is doing. He wanted to take care of and love himself before he tried to take care of me or love me. I can understand that. I can handle that. Doesn’t mean that it’s any less lonely. Nor does it mean that I feel any less abandoned.”

“So, what would you rather me say or do?”

“I want you to do what you want to say or do! Jumin, if you actually want to be here, I want you here. I don’t want you to feel like keeping me company is mandatory because you believe that is what V wanted. I don’t want to get to know V through you. I want know V by being around V. I want to know you by being around you.”

“Is that really how you feel?”

“Tell me how you feel.”

“Confused, hurt, desperate.”

“Desperate? What do you need so badly that you—”

I saw how deeply my words hurt him. I could practically see me slashing him with my pain. He felt the exact same as I did. We were lonely. We were both hurting and longing for the same person. 

“I’m sorry, Jumin.”

“I miss him. You are my only link to him.”

“I don’t want to be your link to him. I want to be your friend because we are friends. Not because we are trying to numb each other’s pain.”

I brought my hand up to his face and wiped the tear that rolled down his cheek. He pulled me in again. His hands gripped at me in a way I had never felt from another person. It was as if he had never had human contact before. I wondered if he thought if he let go, even for a second, I would disappear like everyone else.

“Jumin?”

“Yes?”

“Can we be friends? Like, real friends?”

“I would thoroughly enjoy that. Thank you.”

That was the turning point for Jumin and I. After we were able to overcome our emotions, we stood up and went back to business. He helped me choose a dress for the event. He wanted to see the options so he could find a suit to go with it. After that, we ordered in food that worried Jumin about how healthy it was. We opened his bottle of wine to help ease his mind. After that, we talked. We didn’t talk about interests or politics like normal. We talked about ourselves. We bantered about parents, childhood stories, painful memories, good times, and how we felt about the events of last year. 

I told him about why I chose to help the mysterious Ray with his game. It was the first time I told somebody about the tragic event of my cousin’s suicide that occurred five years prior. He had begged people to come over and play a game with him. It was late at night. I had just gotten home from a long shift at work after being at school all day, and I couldn’t bring myself to go over to his house. I told him that I still had homework to do and needed to eat something. He told me that it was okay, and he told me that he loved me. Apparently, everyone else in the family had excuses to not go see him either. Yet, none of us had an excuse to not attend his wake.

When I had gotten the call from Ray asking me to test his game, it felt like a call from the past. I couldn’t deny his request. What if he was just looking for a distraction to not go through with a greater plan? I accepted even though I felt this wasn’t normal. I could tell the players in his game weren’t AI. There was something too real about the banter. I refused to tell him otherwise. I wanted him to know that someone believed in him. I didn’t want him to feel as hopeless as my cousin had.

Of course, I never told the other members of RFA about this. At the time, they all thought Rika had committed suicide. I wasn’t about to darken their hearts even further. Instead, I just played along like I was trying to help someone. Jaehee once commented to me a little later that after knowing me, it didn’t make sense why I just went along with Mint Eye’s game testing theory. I laughed it off as a moment of weakness. I didn’t need her to know that my selfishness cost someone their life once upon a time.

Jumin admitted his feelings for Rika. He told me about how he fell in love with her. He had been just as obsessed with her as V was. Jumin gave a guilt-ridden confession on how he felt about Rika. He thought if she had chosen him that he would have gotten her help instead of romanticizing her dark thoughts. He would have helped her instead of letting the problem get out of hand. There wouldn’t have been secrets that caused so much pain.

In the end, I told Jumin about my ex-boyfriend. He would go on business trips and cheat on me with girls around the globe. He had a private social media account where he would brag about it. Brag about cheating on me. I confessed that I knew V had secrets he wasn’t telling RFA because he had the same behavior as my ex. Jumin asked how I found out about it. It pained me to admit the truth. 

My best friend had me grab her phone for her one day while I was visiting her. I opened her phone to take a selfie and change her background. It was a game we had been playing since high school. I didn’t think anything of it. When I went to her gallery to change the photo, I saw an album labeled “Argentina”. She never told me she went to Argentina, but my boyfriend had gone there a month ago for business. I opened the album to determine how long ago that trip was. I found nice photos of beaches, a pretty hotel room, my boyfriend’s penis in her mouth, and a colorful bird. I confronted her about it, and she confessed about what happened because she wanted to be famous. I asked her want she was talking about. She revealed the page to me. This wasn’t their first excursion together. Nor was she the only girl. This had been going on for the past three years of our relationship and even before me. I hadn’t had a clue.

While V was working on recovery, I was doing the same. This had only happened eight months before meeting Ray. I was recovering from the harsh ending of a three-year relationship that was in the talks of engagements, ending a friendship I had since high school, and moving to a new city to ty to escape the humiliation I felt. Getting close to everyone in RFA was like finding new friends. It was therapeutic to know that people could like me again with no evil intents. I wanted friends. Trusting V was hard, but I knew I needed to. I couldn’t let how my ex hurt me affect how I treated someone new who hadn’t hurt me yet.

Jumin and I broke into my liquor cabinet after that. Wine wasn’t strong enough anymore. I poured us a couple fingers worth of good whiskey. I brought him the glass. He took it with a thanks and smelled the amber liquid.

“This seems to be an awful lot of whiskey.”

“I told you an awful lot of things I want you to forget.”

“There are better ways to do that.”

“I heard they have out a liquor that is a mix of vodka and tequila if you wish to try that next time we have a confession party.”

“I don’t think I ever want make that bad of a choice.”

“At least, you won’t remember it.”

We talked a bit longer while drinking before we both felt tired. I didn’t like to sleep in silence. So, I hooked up my phone to the Bluetooth speakers. I played some soft music turned down low. I pulled the blanket off the back of the couch over both of us. I laid against him and fell asleep. I blamed my lack of preservation on the alcohol. At the moment, I just wanted to be close to Jumin.

Morning came with a pounding hangover. It turned off the speaker to try to bring some silence. Jumin mumbled something about calling Assistant Kang and explaining an absence. I told him that I would call her and explain it. I will tell her it was my fault. He asked what he could do. I told him to fix breakfast.

I walked into my bedroom. First, I closed all my blinds. Then, I proceeded to call Jaehee, but fortunately, she was already calling me.

“Morning, Jaehee.”

“Hello! I am sorry to ask, but have you seen Mr. Han?”

“Shhh…you’re so loud.”

“Are...are you drunk?”

“Maybe still? I dunno. I hope it is just hungover because this can’t get worse.”

“Did you do this alone?”

“No, he’s with me. Jumin.”

“Is he going to make it into work?”

“I dunno. Maybe? I would put a note on ‘no’, but he might show up.”

“Why did you get drunk with Mr. Han? Are you okay? Is he okay?”

“Not really to both of that,” I told her, trying to find a comfy place to lay my head. “It was personal. We both just really missed V, and we needed a friend. So, we talked. We talked a lot. Jaehee, I’m sorry that I didn’t warn you last night.”

“It’s fine. I’m just worried about both of you,” she told me. “He’s been drinking more, and I know you are still not healing correctly.”

“I think we both reached rock bottom last night, and now, we’re going to climb out of this together. I promise, we will do healthier activities together after this.”

“Try to get him to work today?”

“Of course, and I will try to get you an afternoon off next week?”

“You’re the sweetest. Take care, both of you.”

“You too, Jaehee.”

I ended the phone call and put my phone on the charger. I went back out to living room and grabbed Jumin’s phone. I brought it into my room. I kept a variety of chargers to accompany for everyone that visited so often. So, I plugged his in with mine.

As I walked back into the main area, Jumin put a mug on the countertop for me. He stood in the kitchen, and I could smell something cooking. I could smell everything, but that wasn’t important. As I took the cup, I peeked over to see what he was up to.

“Pancakes?”

“Is that a problem?”

“No, I love them. I just thought you would have one of your fancy people bring food.”

“When I was looking for coffee, I saw your box of mix, and I thought I could make them for us.”

“I love that so much.”

“What did Assistant Kang have to say?”

“She was just worried. I told her next time we will do healthier activities, and I also told her I would see if you would at least check in with them this afternoon. Also, I told her you would consider giving her an afternoon off next week.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Great. I’m going to plan mani-pedis.”

“Is this what being best friends with a girl is going to be like?”

We spent the morning laughing and enjoying pancakes as we did what we could to fight hangovers. After a few hours, he left to go change and check in at work. Meanwhile, I did my work from home that day. With my cat at my feet and several cups of coffee to keep me warm, I was happy as ever. Plus, I had a new friend who I connected with.

Once I finished with my work, I texted Jumin a picture of my cat, Anastasia, and told him that she wished to have a playdate with Elizabeth later this week. He texted back a blurry picture of Elizabeth and told me that they would both enjoy that.

I only wished V could join us.


End file.
